Long time no see

Long time no see- or something like that!
I have not felt upto posting anything food/weight related as it has all gone pear shaped right now.

I do however need to post about a revelation!

I have been in Derby today with my lovely friend from INSPIRE. We had a PICT's (Parks Inner Child Therapy) worshop training thingy. It has totally clicked an made sence to me!

Years of going through the mental health system with psychologists, cognitive behavioural therapy and mental health workers has not really done much if I am honest. At the time CBT was very useful and I found in John someone I could work with- but NHS is crap and boot you out after you have 'had you slot of appointments'- great!

Many of who will be reading this will know I have a past. Not that many will now what it consists of. I donlt really want to blurt out on here what it is. It has left me with lost of issues and memories and core beliefs that have ruled, shaped, and ruined my life!!

However- today has totally connected. The language and the tools used and the sensitivity of it all done in such a way that is gental and actually brings about change- THIS is what I have needed.. and what I need.. The draw back- private therapy costs lots of ££££ whcih I do not have!

I am planning to work through the book and handbook from today which meams a lot of work on my part (which is ok) but no one to be there as the 'safe grounder' when working through things. A therapist would ensure the situation stayed safe and ground the client if they were regressing to the child. I can not do both roles myself.

Some of the other simple exercises i can do, but the belief changing stuff I can't do alone.

I need to think of a way to do this as it has been so good today and has felt so right.

I am aware that this may sound wacky and 'out there' talking about inner child stuff, but if you had been at the workshop it wold all make sence! I can not continue on the path I am on now.. something needs to change...


That is all for now!!

Much love xx

I've had a few days of not feeling as upbeat. I am doing everything the same... I've not had anything 'naughty' to eat.. my evening meals may have been on the large side in portion but other than that...

I just feel bluurrrgghh. I know that is not helpful in description but it is the only thing I can think of! I think I am run down actually. I am still low on energy after the cold. I am going to doctors this afternoon anyway so I will get her to check if it has gone on my chest.

I am only 2 and half weeks into this and already I am feeling wobbly! How pathetic! I worked hard at aqua and just hope it has an effect on the scales- even 1lb would convince me it is worth it!

I think it is the enormity of the task infront of me too. I have a looooong way to go. I always think I will fail in life so I am expecting this to be the same. I have tried diets in the past and after 21lb I give up. I do tend to live out self fulfilling prophecies- I expect to fail so I do... It is a mind-set that has been deeply etched into my thinking.

Well.. I need to go and get on with the day.. not that I feel like it! Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Love to all
xx