Long time no see

Long time no see- or something like that!
I have not felt upto posting anything food/weight related as it has all gone pear shaped right now.

I do however need to post about a revelation!

I have been in Derby today with my lovely friend from INSPIRE. We had a PICT's (Parks Inner Child Therapy) worshop training thingy. It has totally clicked an made sence to me!

Years of going through the mental health system with psychologists, cognitive behavioural therapy and mental health workers has not really done much if I am honest. At the time CBT was very useful and I found in John someone I could work with- but NHS is crap and boot you out after you have 'had you slot of appointments'- great!

Many of who will be reading this will know I have a past. Not that many will now what it consists of. I donlt really want to blurt out on here what it is. It has left me with lost of issues and memories and core beliefs that have ruled, shaped, and ruined my life!!

However- today has totally connected. The language and the tools used and the sensitivity of it all done in such a way that is gental and actually brings about change- THIS is what I have needed.. and what I need.. The draw back- private therapy costs lots of ££££ whcih I do not have!

I am planning to work through the book and handbook from today which meams a lot of work on my part (which is ok) but no one to be there as the 'safe grounder' when working through things. A therapist would ensure the situation stayed safe and ground the client if they were regressing to the child. I can not do both roles myself.

Some of the other simple exercises i can do, but the belief changing stuff I can't do alone.

I need to think of a way to do this as it has been so good today and has felt so right.

I am aware that this may sound wacky and 'out there' talking about inner child stuff, but if you had been at the workshop it wold all make sence! I can not continue on the path I am on now.. something needs to change...


That is all for now!!

Much love xx

I've had a few days of not feeling as upbeat. I am doing everything the same... I've not had anything 'naughty' to eat.. my evening meals may have been on the large side in portion but other than that...

I just feel bluurrrgghh. I know that is not helpful in description but it is the only thing I can think of! I think I am run down actually. I am still low on energy after the cold. I am going to doctors this afternoon anyway so I will get her to check if it has gone on my chest.

I am only 2 and half weeks into this and already I am feeling wobbly! How pathetic! I worked hard at aqua and just hope it has an effect on the scales- even 1lb would convince me it is worth it!

I think it is the enormity of the task infront of me too. I have a looooong way to go. I always think I will fail in life so I am expecting this to be the same. I have tried diets in the past and after 21lb I give up. I do tend to live out self fulfilling prophecies- I expect to fail so I do... It is a mind-set that has been deeply etched into my thinking.

Well.. I need to go and get on with the day.. not that I feel like it! Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Love to all
xx

step in the right direction

*does a little dance with happiness*

I have lost 4lb!!!! So adding that to the 6lb I lost when I was ill that is 10lb in total! I am so happy! My jeans fit better. My chin is now only an extra quarter! I actually can't wait to take my measurements in another 2 weeks! (i decided monthly measurments for my 'plan')

Today is great!
xx

Hello all!
Not been here for a few days! Things have been going ok. I will weigh in tomorrow and see how I have done. It doesn't feel like I have been doing this for two weeks! I am not sure if that is a good or a bad thing!

I am going to Italian restaurant for my birthday in 2 weeks. I am hoping to have lost my double chin by then! I will also take my measurements that weekend to see if they have changed at all.

I'm off to my folks shortly. Good old Adlington! I am hoping the weather stays fine as I'm helping dad to level the ground for the patio- plus it will be exercise lifting and shoveling!

Right.. off to sing in the shower!!

Love to all
xx

I went to aqua aerobics last night and worked my arse off!! I really tried hard. I shall see if it has helped me at the end of the week. I always do feel better when I have been.

I forgot to pick up some more milk yesterday so there's only enough for Em's breakfast this morning grrrrrrrr. So I have just had a kiwi and a banana. I dont know if it will sustain me until lunch though! I may need a yoghurt or something mid morning.

What's with the weather?! Rain, snow, a tiny bit of sun, strong winds... I like having a toot round town when Emily is at nursery.. but I just cant face the wet and cold! I am freezing just walking round the corner to nursery! I was hoping I could walking into town for milk. I could go to the corner shop, but I figured walking further was a good idea. Unless it brightens up it will have to be the lazy option!

Well I managed to sort the living room and dining room yesterday. I couldnt face the kitchen. I am sure elves come out at night and leave more washing up! Has to be done today though... just need a kick up the bum to get on wiht it!!

Thats all for now!

Much love
xxx

todays muttereing

Why do colds linger for so long!? I am still blocked up in the morning and coughing. Mind you- the cough is my own fault.. most who read this blog know I am a smoker... I do plan to tackle this... AGAIN! But i can not do weight AND the fags. So that is a way down the line yet. Plus I am not ready to quit! (please dont nag about that people!)

I actually had a nice lie in today as Emily didnt get up until 9am! I have just had my breakfast of weetabix and sliced banana.

It seems to be catching this diet thing! Once of the mums from nursery said she is starting one!
Although I did not loose last week, I looked in the mirror this morning and my dreaded double chin is disapearing! It is still there yet, but is more of an extra half-a-chin than a full one!

I'm going to work hard at aqua this eve- actually put effort in instead of floating about! I do enjoy it just some weeks I can't be bothered.. this needs to change! I can burn calories and tone up whilst having fun with my friend (we are on the back row and torment the instructor teehee)

Things in the house seem to have grown legs and plonked themselves down everywhere! I must tidy up once I have typed this- this i do not enjoy! I think I will set myself the downstairs rooms to tidy.. upstairs can be tomorrows task! How sad is it that i need to break it down like this!!!

Right... off to find a duster


Love to all
xxx

Well I have stayed the same weight. On the one had I am disapointed as I have been trying. But on the other hand I have not put back the 6lb I lost from when I was ill. I was worried I would gain it when I gained my appetite again after the cold.

Back to aqua this tuesday so hoping things will start moving again.

I have had a bit of chocolate. Emily has shared a bit with me from her eggs. I have not gone mad and stuffed my face so I am proud of myslef for that.

Hoping to walk round yarrow vally later on as theyhave an egg hunt round the lakes for littleies!

Life feels ok today :-)

xxx